


do you like me like i love you?

by lxvenxtes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, also tenses ? idk her, but it's soft i promise!!!, but so what we hot we young, i also don't know what a beta is, this came out way sadder than my og idea rip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 13:54:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20259163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lxvenxtes/pseuds/lxvenxtes
Summary: their hands are inches apart and he wants to reach out and lace their fingers together. but he can’t.thankfully jaemin is braver than him.-for the prompt: nahyuck skinship





	do you like me like i love you?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [painttheworldinpastels](https://archiveofourown.org/users/painttheworldinpastels/gifts).

> uhhhh justinee!! i hope u like this!!!!!!! i tried a diff style than i usually write so i hope it came out okay mwah!!!!!!!!
> 
> also title from borderline by exo-sc which i had on repeat for 4 hours as i wrote this everyone say thank u oh sehun

donghyuck used to think he was undeserving of jaemin.

undeserving of all of his joy and love and kindness. undeserving of his smiles and laughter. undeserving of his puppy dog eyes that glitter when he looks at donghyuck across the room and his rosy cheeks when he’s being teased.

jaemin taught him not to think like that. he’d say "everyone is deserving of love, especially you sunshine."

and donghyuck believes him, he does, but sometimes the thoughts on days like this when everything is going wrong and it feels like the world is against him. the thoughts that he’s not enough, not good enough for jaemin slowly creep back in. they sneak into his subconscious like the world’s best thief, quiet and inconspicuous. 

their hands are inches apart and he wants to reach out and lace their fingers together. but he can’t. the fear that he’s somehow too much and not enough at the same time holds him back. weighs down his heart until it's almost physical, squeezing his internal organs and crushing his lungs. he can't make himself move. he doesn’t want to taint jaemin.

jaemin is looking at him from where he sits next to him on their couch, staring at him looking at their hands. donghyuck can feel his eyes on him but he won’t meet them. can't meet them.

thankfully jaemin is braver than him. he tangles their fingers together and all the pressure donghyuck was holding in his chest dissipates. his hand is warm and a familiar weight in donghyuck’s. it makes him feel grounded.

“you’re thinking way too hard. i can feel it from here,” he says, scooting closer, and dropping his head onto donghyuck’s shoulder. his hair is tickling donghyuck’s neck and now their hands are in an uncomfortable position but they both know neither of them will move.

“what’s wrong?” jaemin asks, the vibrations from his voice reverberating through donghyuck’s chest. it makes him shiver. jaemin squeezes his hand and he squeezes back, unable to find the words to say. how do you tell the person you love the most that you aren't good for them? 

"you okay, sunshine?"

that nickname always takes his breath away. sunshine. it still surprised him that jaemin could think he was comparable to something as beautiful and important as the sun.

if anything, jaemin was his polaris. his north star. if everything in the galaxy revolves around this one star, donghyuck was sure he did the same to his boyfriend. polaris was the brightest star in the sky, and jaemin was the brightest thing in donghyuck’s life. always constant, always shining and always beautiful.

“stop thinking so much and come cuddle me,” jaemin whines, tugging on his hand to get his attention. he pouts as donghyuck blinks at him, too far away in thought to be helpful. he moves away to lie back on the couch, and for the briefest of moments, the long seconds their hands disconnect, donghyuck is filled with a foolish sense of panic. over what, he isn’t sure. he knows jaemin isn’t leaving but some small, sad, terribly loud part of his mind swears he is. it swears to him that jaemin is going to drift away from him, never to return like a ship in the night. it whispers this, and more, when donghyuck gets too lost in his head.

shaking his head, as if it could clear his negative thoughts, he moves so his body is parallel to jaemin’s, lying on top of him. he buries his head in his boyfriend’s neck and inhales. jaemin smells like his cologne, something clean and earthy, and donghyuck. the windows of their apartment are open and it makes everything smell like rain and donghyuck is sure he can hear the entire city as they lay in silence.

jaemin’s hands are hovering over his head and his side, waiting for permission. he knows when donghyuck gets like this, quiet and lost, almost floating away in his thoughts, that it’s best to let him set the boundaries. donghyuck loves him for it. he simply nods and then jaemin’s hands are back, anchoring him. warm and gentle, his fingers thread through donghyuck’s hair, and rest under his shirt, rubbing his hip softly. donghyuck is filled to the brim with love and affection. he feels like he could melt in his contentedness.

jaemin presses a kiss to the top of his head, and donghyuck lets out a sigh, shifting closer as he feels jaemin smile. he can’t see it, but it sparks a prideful buzz in his chest knowing he's the reason for that smile. jaemin’s smile was probably his favorite thing in the world. it made the other boy glow and it was so dazzling. donghyuck was sure his heart skipped a beat every time he saw it.

"you wanna talk about what's bothering you?"

jaemin's voice is softer when asks, every time, more tender, like he's scared that being firmer will hurt donghyuck's feelings. he was tiptoeing through the crowded meadow that was donghyuck's emotions. 

"no," donghyuck replies, finally breaking his silence, his voice raspy from not using it, "kinda wanna sleep right now. you're comfy." jaemin nods and hums to himself.

then he's moving again, so he's face to face with donghyuck and he smiles when they meet eyes, all teeth and his familiar love struck look. he intertwines their legs, then their fingers. they're both aware they'll be sweaty and uncomfortable when they wake up, but it doesn't matter, as long as they're close together. close enough to feel each other's breath tickling their faces and their hearts beating in sync.

"i love you. you know that right?"

donghyuck hates that he has to ask. jaemin should never doubt that donghyuck knows he is loves him. but he does.

donghyuck knows his love like the back of his hand. jaemin loves hard, but gentle. he is casual pda and teasing remarks. stealing clothes and food and kisses. jaemin loves through actions and kindness and comfort. donghyuck thinks he should probably take a page out of his book.

so he moves forward, closing the very small gap between them and presses a kiss to jaemin's lips. it's not very long, just a few seconds, but it's warm and safe and sweet. just like the beautiful boy across from him.

jaemin grins at him, slow and surprised, but still pleased. donghyuck closes his eyes, overwhelmed by the amount of love he feels coursing through his veins.

"i love you too," he finally replies, heart thrumming in his chest, "more than i can put into words."

**Author's Note:**

> me, writing this: it's about the yearning


End file.
